Post by .alyx roslind. on Sept 12, 2008 15:18:33 GMT -5
Alyxendra Helena Roslind
Don't know what to do anymore
I've lost the only love worth fighting for
I'll drown in my tears
Don't they see?
That which show you, that which make you hurt like me
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♥ Nothing had ever gotten to her like this. Nothing in her whole life had driven her this far into depression. It was so far that she took one look at her knife, her wrists, and walked away. That would feel like a paper cut compared to what she felt now. Nothing could compare. And she had never been this depressed. Not when she saw the guy of her dreams with her best friend, not when she watched her mother nearly over dose, not when she thought she was starting to lose everything she loved... and she hadn't even been this depressed when Bailey left her alone. Never had something like this happened. The one time in her life when she started to think she was normal or something, something had to go wrong. She sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Story of my life." She whispered. "Nothing new here..." She said as she exhaled. She ran a finger over her wrist.
♥ All her life, Alyxendra Roslind had been feeling some sort of pain. When she was younger, she never had a mother. She grew numb to that after a while, and got used to the idea of fending for herself. She dealt with the pain of her family pretty much hating her every day. She got over it. Then there was the sting of liking someone who didn't like her back. Darren Hazard, one of her best friends, if not the best, was with Christa von Ness, her best friend. And then there was the rising difficulty of Katarina. Kat was the mutual best friend between her, Christa and Darren. Kat had made a huge mistake- sleeping with Darren. Both of them were drunk or something, but it still happened. And that hurt Christa like hell. Christa loved Darren with all her heart, and he broke it into a million pieces. And Kat and Christa were the very best of friends- closer than Alyx and Christa or Alyx and Kat. They were "mind twins" as they said. And it still happened. And that effected Alyx. Being best friends with both of them had a down side. She didn't know who's side to take. Christa's was the obvious and seemingly right side, but it wasn't like Kat had been planning to do this to Christa. Alyx understood where Kat was coming from, too. It wasn't her fault. She was smashed. But at the same time, Alyx didn't like the idea of more competition for Darren. He wouldn't take a second glance at Alyx if he had both of the dark haired beauties to choose from. Kat and Christa were more his type. Alyx was the best friend, and nothing more. And that made Alyx sad.
♥ And yet, at the same time, Alyx was happier than ever. She had Jude. Jude Cleaver, the quiet twin, the hopeless romantic and Alyx's best friend as well, had asked her out and of course she said yes. Who wouldn't? Jude was perfect for her. She loved him with every fiber of her being when she was with him. And he was the first guy she had dated since... he who will not be mentioned... left her. He was the only one who could get her mind off of Darren. Darren wasn't even a thought when Alyx was with Jude. All she thought about was him, and she was happy for that. Jude made her happier than anyone else could, and he loved her. She could hold on to him and she knew he wouldn't let go. That was perfect for her. She needed a stable link in her life, and Jude took on that spot. She had a best friend and a lover in Jude. And no one but Jude could claim her. She was content and happy with him, and it was the best she had felt in a long time.
♥ But then he had to come back. She wouldn't even mention his name she was so mad at the moment. She remembered the day he left perfectly in her mind. She was about fifteen or sixteen, and they had been going out for a while. Alyx had never been happier in her life. She loved him and he loved her. They were seemingly perfect. Alyx had no idea that his dad was moving, and that it meant he was too. They had spent the whole day before together, kissing, drinking, watching movies, having fun and kissing... alot. She could still remember the taste of him. She was happy to be with him. They had told each other they loved the other a million times that day, and meant it every last time. She remembered his hands running through her hair and over her body, and she remembered the electricity between them. She could still feel the sparks between them. She remembered how she nearly cried when the day ended, and remembered telling herself that the next day would be just as good. She could feel his lips on her still as she left, walking back to her car (she must've been sixteen then) and driving back to her aunt's... Alyx could still feel the stinging tears in her eyes as she saw the car packed up. She could remember her eyeliner running down her face and him holding her close to him. She could remember the smell of his cologne as she burried her head in his chest. She remembered the feel of his lips on hers the last time before saying goodbye. She remembered crying for days and not wanting to come out of her room. And she remembered starting to hate him.
♥ Bailey Macnamera was the first boy to ever break her heart. He was the only one she thought about for years. And he broke her heart into pieces. She started to hate him the day after he left, and cried because she hurt so much. She started to like Darren Hazard almost immediately after Bailey left, and she blamed everything about herself on him. If Bailey hadn't left, she wouldn't have fallen for Darren, been hurt by seeing him with Christa and started cutting. If it weren't for Bailey, she wouldn't have to feel guilty hanging around Christa and Darren. And yet, some good came out of Bailey leaving. If Bailey hadn't left, she'd probably still be with him and wouldn't have Jude. She owed a lot to Bailey, but still couldn't help but hate him.
♥ She didn't want to be in her room and more. She wanted to be out. Alyx knew exactly where she could go. Pulling on a red striped shirt, black short overalls and a white shrug, Alyx looked in the mirror. Good enough. She fixed her make up, put on some shoes and brushed out her hair and left. She walked out of school, off campus and down the street. She knew this path well. The Black Bear Pub was like her second home. She knew all the bartenders and a lot of the customers, at that. She spent a lot of time there on the weekends, and she had ordered about all the drinks they offered at least once. She didn't need anyone to go with her when she was at a bar. She walked in and waved to the bartender. She had a smile on her face before she turned her head and saw him.
♥ Bailey. The exact person she had been thinking about. She took her drink and walked over to his table. Like she needed to talk to him. Right. She sighed first. She slowly walked over and stopped in front of him. "Do... do you mind if I sit with you?" She asked, her voice low.
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addressed to;; bailey macnamera
alarm clock reads;; around seven or eight at night
ready ornot
tears that have been shed;; one thousand, two hundred eighty-seven. {1287}
mirror image;; except without the hat
chit chat;; there we go. ;]